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In the Shadows of the Net:
Breaking Free of
Compulsive Online
Sexual Behavior
PATRICK CARNES, PH.D.
DAVID L. DELMONICO, PH.D.
ELIZABETH GRIFFIN, M.A.

My 7 Steps to Recovery From Pornography Addiction


Understanding and Treating Addiction
Helping individuals struggling with addiction to learn the basics
for happiness, confidence and long-term sobriety.

Sexual Addiction Recovery Links

Bethesda Workshops
The mission of Bethesda Workshops is to encourage sexual wholeness by ministering to those damaged by sexual abuse, sin, and addiction. We seek to provide a place of healing where people can begin a process of restoration with God, themselves, with others and within their marriages.
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Christian Recovery
Dedicated to helping the Christian community become a safe and helpful place for people recovering from addiction, abuse or trauma.
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Desert Stream Ministreis
Ministreing the life of Jesus to the sexually and relationally broken.
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Faithful & True


Faithful & True is a Christ-centered and biblically based counseling center specializing in the treatment of sexual addiction.

Dr. Mark Laaser, the leading Christian authority in the field of sexual addiction, has exclusively created and personally leads their life changing workshop programs for men, spouses and couples seeking sexual purity and relational intimacy.



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Focus on the Family
Nurturing and defending families worldwide.
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Internet Filtering Service
Safe Eyes is one of the best internet filtering suites available.
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National Coalition
Protection of Childern and Families.
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New Life Partners
Online support for wives of sex addicts.
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Pastors
To encourage pastors, ministers, and church leaders with tools and resources for growing healthy churches. Free Newsletter!
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Promise Keepers
Promise Keepers - helping men around the world!
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Contents
List of Illustrations / vi
Preface /vii
1
The Shadow Side of the Net/ 1
2
Do I Have a Problem with Cybersex?/ 17
3
Understanding Problematic Sexual Behavior on the Internet/ 30
4
What Turns You On? The Arousal Template/ 54
5
Courtship Gone Awry/ 70
6
Boundaries/ 93
7
Taking That First Step / 109
8
Changing the Way You Live/ 134
9
Preventing Relapse: Maintaining the Changes You’ve Made/ 159
10
Family Dynamics and Cybersex/ 179
11
The Web Frontier/ 202
Appendix /217
Notes /231
Index / 235
About the Authors



T h e Creat i on of a Porn ograph y Addi ct i on
2. Un derst an di n g an d Assessi n g t h e Lev el s of Porn ograph y
Addi ct i on
3. Porn ograph y Un v ei l ed—Wh y Porn ograph y i s Addi ct i v e
an d How t o Act i v at e an d Deact i v at e Addi ct i v e Beh av i ors
4. T h e Power of Bel i ef s—Learn t o Rewri t e t h e Bel i ef s T h at
Keep Y ou T rapped
5. T h e Begi n n i n g St eps t o Ch an ge f or Good
6. Prepari n g t o Ch an ge f or Good
7. T aki n g Act i on an d Mai n t en an ce—T h e Beh av i ors of
Ch an gi n g f or Good
8. T h e Prof i l e of T h ose Most Li kel y t o Rel apse
9. Rel apse Prev en t i on Jou rn al —A T ool t o Use i n Recov ery
10. Li v i n g t h e Li f est y l e t h at Leads t o Recov ery


Patrick Carnes, Ph.D.,is a clinical director for sexual disorder services
at the Meadows in Wickenburg, Arizona. Dr. Carnes is a nationally known
speaker and writer on addiction and recovery. He is author of Out of the
Shadows, Contrary to Love, A Gentle Path through the Twelve Steps,
Don’t Call It Love, Sexual Anorexia,and Open Hearts. He is editor-in-chief of Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity: The Journal of Treatment
and Prevention,the official journal of the National Council of Sexual
Addiction/Compulsivity.
David L. Delmonico, Ph.D.,is an assistant professor in the Department
of Counseling, Psychology, and Special Education at Duquesne University
in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. He is a graduate of Kent State University with
degrees in community counseling, psychology, and counseling and human
development services. He has worked and published numerous articles in
the area of sexual addiction for ten years.
Elizabeth Griffin, M.A.,is a licensed marriage and family therapist
with more than fifteen years of experience treating sexual disorders. She has
worked in outpatient, inpatient, military, and prison settings. She lectures na-tionally on the assessment and treatment of sexual disorders as well as cyber-sex issues relating to those with sexual disorders. She is currently chief
operating officer for the American Foundation for Addiction Research, a non-profit organization dedicated to fostering scientific research and understanding
and disseminating knowledge of the nature and causes of addictive disorders.